Have you ever had one of those conversations where someone says something and you had never thought of things that way before? And then afterward that thought sits in the back of your mind and simmers on low until a light bulb goes on? I have that happen to me all the time.
I have been encouraged, challenged, convicted and comforted through the words of others. I have also been discouraged, placated, po-pooed and hurt by the same means.
So what makes the difference? Is it the state of my own heart? Is it the motives of others? Is it that my mind is in one place and not "present"? I think I would have to answer "yes." All of the above have been true for me. The point is that conversation is powerful. It has the potential do very good things be constructive(not always easy and sweetness and light) or to do bad things and be destructive. So what does make the difference?
In the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey says that 2 keys to constructive communication are to "Think Win/Win" and to "Seek first to understand and then to be understood." The purpose of a conversation is not just to get your point across, instead it is to enter into a dynamic, living, breathing relationship with someone where you and others open yourselves up to ideas and concepts and emotions; things that have the potential to change you.
Thinking win/win is much like the Bible says in Phil 2:3-4 "3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." It needs to be my motive in conversation to really hear what a person is saying, where they are coming from, and to enter into their world. My prayer is that they do that for me as well.
Seeking first to understand and then to be understood is to follow James 1:19 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"
Let's make every effort to engage in our conversations in this way, anticipating God's presence. Let's trust Him to change us through opening ourselves up to the power of conversation.
Learning to Live Loved,
Deon
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1 comment:
Thanks Deon,
I appreciated all that you said. I really appreciated the words from scripture that you used as well. I looked them up in Eugene Peterson's, The Message and they also brought me back to the same thought, perhaps it is on my mind anyway, but when I hear these words and relate them to the growing Hispanic community and the struggles they face it has significant implications for me and I hope for the community of people that worship alongside.
Phil. 2:3-4
He Took on the Status of a Slave
1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand
Being deep-spirited friends with people I am not sure I understand seems improbable but then I am certain it doesnt depend on me to make it possible. I believe in the discussion of outreach and mission mindedness God has brought the mission field to us and we no longer have to pack up and go to another country because it is here in our community. That can be uncomfortable but only because it is the unknown.
Listening is key as you said, listening and caring enough to put yourself in a place that is not comfortable is what missionaries have done, it is what Jesus has done, and it is what the apostles did.
Thanks for opening up the conversation.
Eydie O.
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