Doing Little Things with Great Love

Do you ever feel like the contributions you make are insignificant? Like you are not especially good or spiritual? I think most feel that way. I would even think that some who we would consider very significant would think of themselves as insignificant.

We think that to be important or significant we have to do something amazing. Mother Teresa said "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." The important thing is that we do small things that are put before us with great love.

Mike Yaconelli likens this to a mosaic. Thousands of tiny pieces make up a whole. The tiny pieces don't seem like much alone but put them together and you have a work of art. "Our tiny choices and tiny moves toward God may not seem like much. But someday you and I will stand together in the great cathedral of heaven, and up front, by Jesus will hang the most magnificent mosaic we could ever imagine, made up of thousands and thousands of our tiny responses to God's love in our lives." (Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality, p. 119)

Let God love you and make tiny choices to do little things with great love.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Ya Gotta Love Conflict!

"Small groups that don't get to the point of anger, don't get to the point of usefulness."

--Steve Brown.

Do you think that's true? What does going through conflicts with those around us accomplish? Is it just looking for trouble? Is it creating a problem that wasn't there before?

I have heard of lot of reasons for avoiding conflict, some of them valid. There are times when we need to let go of our pride and overlook an offense. "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." --Proverbs 19:11. It takes a good dose of emotional and spiritual maturity to be offended and then be able to overlook it without it coming out in others ways; our attitude around that person, sarcastic comments, talking with others about the issue, anger in our heart, etc.

So how can I know when to engage in conflict and when to overlook something? Here are a few questions to consider:

• When I am around that (those) person (people) do I feel the freedom to engage with them in a respectful way or am I worried about protecting myself or does my anger seems to rise up?
• Do I feel a need to talk about this with other people in order to feel OK or validated?
• What is my attitude toward that person, do I harbor anger in my heart?

To always avoid conflict is not a good thing. Engaging in conflict can be a very important activity if we want to grow emotionally or spiritually. I believe God works through conflict (and gives us opportunities for conflict,) in order to bring about his purposes in our lives.

What's your favorite story? What is the conflict in that story (all interesting stories have conflict)? How does dealing with the conflict effect the characters? Stories of heroism (and cowardice) come in the midst of conflict.

Are you engaging in necessary conflict? If not, what's stopping you? Do you trust that if you go into conflict with love and respect that God will work out His will in the situation? If you are engaging in necessary conflict, are you doing it with love and respect?

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Bold Love

Bold love is much different than most of us think. We often think of love as being nice and sweet and keeping everything peaceful. I think that is the definition of fear, not love. We often picture Jesus as really timid, nice, sweet, passive and peaceful. Many of us have grown up with pictures and movies of his long, solemn, peaceful face and we can just hear his soft voice. The problem with this picture is that people like this are not generally seen as such a threat that others want to kill him.

Jesus was very disruptive. He disrupted life for people of all different walks of life. He disrupted the lives of prostitutes like Mary Magdalene and tax collectors like Matthew and Zacchaeus, fishermen like Peter, James and John, religious leaders and rulers like Herod and Pilate. None of their lives were the same after encountering Jesus. His love was disruptive.

Love makes a difference. It makes an impact. Love takes the courage to risk.

If you had a greater courage in your relationships and you really wanted to love others in a meaningful way, what would change? What would be different? Not sure? I recommend reading the book Bold Love by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. It takes a good look at loving boldly, even what it means to love those who aren't very lovely.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

"...Love One Another Deeply, From the Heart"

This is from 1 Peter 1:22. It's hard to love. In many ways it goes against our nature. Our sinful nature says "look out for #1, 'cause noone else is going to." But what is healthy self-protection, what are healthy boundaries? How do we love from the heart?



Loving well is not something that just happens. I've counseled with hundreds, if not thousands, of people in the last 15 years and have not witnessed anyone "love well" by accident. It takes understanding and action. Things that are hard for us to do.



So what does it take? One of the first things it takes is courage. Why courage? Because we are afraid. "What if I say the wrong thing?" "I don't want to talk to them about how they hurt me, I don't want to make waves." "I'm not good at things like that." We have hurt, anger, fear, disappointment, insecurity, helplessness and shame. It takes courage to approach people in an authentic way when we are going through these emotions. What makes it even worse is when you've been hurt or mistreated in the past. It's making yourself vulnerable, taking a risk, wanting better relationships but knowing that sometimes things blow up in your face.

God directs us to handle situations in a straightforward way with the desire to love (Matt. 18:15-18. However, when you follow God's directions in doing things well it doesn't always turn out the way you want. Will you have the courage to trust him anyway by following him? Do we really believe that he will work all those things out for my good? Let's try it and find out.

More on healthy relationships later.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Love, When it Becomes a god, Becomes a Demon

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;” Matt. 10:37. That is an extremely hard statement. God is a jealous God.

I have such a hard time with this. I really love my wife and my kids. I love myself even more. I want to be happy, I don’t want to be miserable. I have often seen the relationships in my life as my ticket to happiness and in reality they have brought much happiness to my life. My problem is that I have a tendency to worship happiness. I (much of the time) want a good marriage more than I want God, I want my children to be healthy and safe more than I want God, I want you to like me more than I want God. The truth is that you do too. That is the story of humanity. We (Adam & Eve) wanted something more than we wanted God so we turned away from him.

In fact, my main purpose in going to God (or church or just doing good things) is often to get God to deliver his blessings to my door. Ironic isn’t it, I use God to move away from God. Blessings are the point, not God. It’s what he can do for me, not finding my life in him. When he doesn’t deliver I try to find a way to make my life work on my own terms and justify my disobedience because of his lack, instead of trusting that he loves me and is working in my pain to bring about my good.

The problem is that “Love, when it becomes a God, becomes a demon.” (C.S. Lewis) God knows that my greatest, deepest need is a living breathing relationship of love and trust with him. My prayer is that the Spirit works in me to know and want this in an ever increasing way. When I want God more than I want a good marriage and great kids I can have a better marriage and healthier kids (it’s a side benefit and not the point.)

Another thought that comes to mind is another one from C.S. Lewis—“Because we love something else more than this world we love even this world better than those who know no other.”

May we love God so much than we overflow with love to one another, family, friends and enemies.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Romantic Relationships Reflect Righteous Reality

Relationships are hugely important to us. Books, movies, songs, and a lot of emotions and brain power have been dedicated to "love." We are mysteriously drawn to wanting to know and be known intimately by another, and it is not just a subtle drawing it is a rip you right out of your shoes kind of drawing.

There is a saying that goes "All of life illustrates Biblical doctrine." It's the idea that God has created reality in such a way that it shows us truth about himself and creation. I believe that this is no where more true than in our romantic relationships. We can learn so much about God through our love of another person.

There are three aspect of relationships that teach us about our relationship with God and his with us; intensity/intimacy, friendship, and faithfulness. Romance is about these three things, relationship with God is about these three things. God uses romantic language when he is talking about his relationship with us, many times very intense language.

Where does your relationship with God stand in terms of intensity/intimacy? Friendship? Faithfulness? Put it on a scale from 1 to 10. If you are like me it leaves much to be desired. His side looks much better than mine. What do you think it would look like to have your ratings closer to a ten? There are things that we can do to develop this relationship but I think it starts not with doing anything in particular, I think it starts with being loved. How are you at letting God love you, right where you are, just as you are, with all your shortcomings and sin? Present yourself before him, don't change anything, go to his feet, crawl in his lap, get loved. You may find yourself higher on those three scales.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

The Opportunity of Relationships

It has been said that all of life illustrates Bible doctrine. I think that is nowhere more true than in our relationships. How is our marriage like our relationship with God? How does romance reflect the deepest desire of our soul? How do our family relationships give us a glimpse into the heart of God? How do our relationships with friends and enemies shape us and lead toward restoration or destruction?

We look at our relationships to understand more of God and we look at God's Word to understand more of relationships. It is through interactions with others that our best, and worst, come out. We have the opportunity to draw closer to God and each other as we follow his lead into some of the hardest and messiest situations of life.

It is my prayer for myself and you that we take these difficult situations and we search out what it means to love. I will leave you with this quote from C.S. Lewis:

"All natural affections [relationships]. . . can become rivals to spiritual love: but they can also be preparatory imitations of it, training(so to speak) of the spiritual muscles which Grace may later put into a higher service; as women nurse dolls in childhood and later nurse children."

May our relationships be preparatory imitations of our desire to know and be known by Christ.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Cheer Up! God’s love and grace is a whole lot greater than you think it is!

Last week's news "Cheer up! You're a whole lot worse than you think you are! is only good news if there is a greater truth that comes after it. And there is! God's love as revealed in the sacrifice of Jesus is the truth that turns the world on its ear.

This truth transforms the fact that I'm not very good into really good news. If I'm not good and can't get myself to be good, then I need help. If I need help something's wrong with me and I'm sick. If I'm sick I need a doctor. Jesus came to be a doctor for the sick, he came for me, to be my doctor, and I want so badly to be his patient. He says that I am his patient and that is the best news I can get.

So, Cheer Up! You're a whole lot worse than you think you are! Cheer Up! God's love and grace is a whole lot greater than you think it is! Learn how to live loved!

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Cheer up! You’re a whole lot worse than you think you are!

We live in a culture consumed with psychology. From the commercials that draw you to want more to the self-esteem movement to our quest for self-actualization we see what we don't have and want it. I'm ok, you're ok, right? We read "love your neighbor as yourself" and interpret it as "my first priority is to love myself." The Christian community buys this line hook, line and sinker, and put it in songs and books.

The Bible seems to take it for granted that we already love ourselves (Isaiah 53, Romans 3). The truth is that we do. Even when we have bad self-images we still love ourselves. We have pain and we want to feel better. We may find some really destructive ways to feel better but it is still self-love. The truth is that we are ultimately selfish and self-centered. We don't want to believe this, we want to think that we are basically good with a tendency to do bad things now and then (mostly because of our mothers or our circumstances not because of us).

Have you stopped to think about your first, split-second, gut response when someone irritates you or makes your life more difficult than you think it should be. If you're like me you see that your first inclination is to bite, snap, punish and basically hurt them back. That's what I'm like, and in my experience that's what you're like too. Where do you think all our conflicts come from? In our marriages, in our families, in our churches, in our communities, in our state, country, and world; we don't love each other well, we are looking out for our own, and that is the root of conflict.

You may think this is bad news but it's not. It's actually good news. Cheer up! You're a whole lot worse than you think you are! We'll talk about the good news next week.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

 

When God Turned the World Upside Down

Discipleship doesn't start with obedience. Last week I talked about this and said that discipleship starts with love. The truth is that discipleship starts with love, God's love, not ours. The trouble with people is that we can't love until we've been loved. We see that in children who grow up in abusive homes, in people who have been betrayed and mistreated. These things make it so hard to live well and love.

Healing comes as we are loved by others, but especially when we come to an awareness of the fact that God is truly fond of us, that he likes his children. We have a very difficult time getting this. We constantly go back to our actions and our "deserving" (or not deserving) to be loved. This is where Jesus comes in and upsets the apple cart. The people who were behaving well, following the rules, reading/memorizing scripture, observing the Sabbath, tithing, and going to church were raked over the coals. Those of us who grew up in the church like to distance ourselves from these people saying they were callous and mean and that we're not like them. The trouble is we are much like them.

And then at the same time he hung around drunks and prostitutes and was their friend. He was very accepting and open in his relationships with them. If I had grown up in that time I think this would have really bothered me. I would have thought, "Hey, God gave me the commandments and he wanted me to follow them, that's what I'm doing, what's so wrong with that?" Jesus replies by saying that I missed the point. To worship him is not about my goodness it's about his goodness. It's actually about my badness and his goodness. There's a saying that says, "Cheer up, you're a whole lot worse than you think you are! Cheer up, God's love is a whole lot greater than you think it is!"

Obedience is not obedience if it doesn't come from love, first his love to us and then our love in return. If you are "obedient" for any reason other than a loving response to a living, breathing, active relationship with a God who loves me beyond measure (and is quite fond of me) it is not obedience. There is no wiggle room in this.

We want things to be more controllable—if I obey then I will be blessed. If this is my motivation it would be better if I went out and sinned openly in a manner consistent with the reality in my heart. At least I would have a clearer picture of where I stood and my need for a savior.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Discipleship doesn’t start with obedience. If it did, Isaiah would not have had to chew out the Israelites in Isaiah 1. They were doing all the things that God had told them to do, they had obedience, but they were missing something. Same with the Pharisees. If it was only about obedience they would have been commended for their actions, they were obeying the letter of the law.

Jesus said the outside of the Pharisees' cups were clean but the inside of their cups were filthy (Matt. 23:26). At another point Jesus says that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).

Jesus appears to be saying that there is an inner life (a heart actively responding in relationship with him) that preceeds the outer life (obedience). Without the inner life being cared for your obedience is, well, . . . not obedience.

I often get caught up in appearances. I want people to like me, to accept me and I will try to be like them to be accepted. This is really dangerous in a church. Many of us grew up in the church and we can fake it real well, we can do all the right stuff and say all the right words and no one would ever know that our inside is dead.

This is doubly bad for our witness to the world around us. People walk through the doors of our churches searching for something and what they see is a bunch of people who say the right words and do the right things (without us being realistic about our brokenness) and they think that their life is such a mess that they could never get to where (they think) we are. So they go out the back door and continue searching in other places and in other people to find that for which their soul longs.

It all starts with Love. If it doesn't start with Love you might as well hang it up. "If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15. We can't turn this statement around and say that if we obey that means we love. Love produces obedience, obedience does not produce love.

Want to love Christ more than you do now? If you said yes, congratulations, you're on the road of discipleship.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Going to church may be hazardous to your health

Did you know that going to church can take you farther from God? It’s happened before. The Bible even has examples of it.

When you go to church on Sunday morning because that is what you’ve always done, that’s how you were raised or “that’s how to get God to bless you,” attending church may take you farther from God.

In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis writes “When a young man who has been going to church in a routine way honestly realizes that he does not believe in Christianity and stops going—provided he does it for honesty’s sake and not just to annoy his parents—the Spirit of Christ is probably nearer to him then than it ever was before.”

My point is that discipleship doesn’t primarily have to do with behavior. So, where do we start as we seek to follow after Christ?

We’ll talk about it next week.

Learning to Live Loved,

Deon

Discipleship

What is your definition of discipleship? What does it mean in Sioux County, IA in 2008? Does it mean reading the Bible, praying, going to church each Sunday and being involved in a small group? Is it being nice, volunteering at church and giving money? What exactly is it? Have you considered that if it isn’t something more than these things you might be wasting your time? I would even say that if that is all it is you are wasting your time.

What would you say?

Living the Story,
Deon

Invitation

Hello people of Bridge of Hope (and anyone else who may be reading this). I am very excited about being the new Coordinator of Discipleship and Outreach. I look forward to getting to know you and hearing your stories. This is my invitation to you to stop by the office, e-mail or call me to schedule a time to sit down together. I would love to hear from you.

This is a blog that I will put out there every week or two. It will be about discipleship, outreach, church in general, humorous stories, random thoughts or anything else that may be on my mind. I am hoping to generate some lively discussions so please respond with your thoughts as well.

It would be quite boring if I write something that you have a positive or negative response to and I never get to hear it. It is through communicating and wrestling through things together that God gives us the opportunity to know and be known. It’s the only way that we can accomplish His command to “Love one another.”

So I’m begging you, please don’t keep your thoughts to yourself, put yourself out there as I will attempt to do, and maybe together we can figure out a thing or two along the way. I’m looking forward to it!

Living the Story,

Deon